I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains [just one grain; it never becomes more but lives] by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest. – John 12:24, Amplified Bible

It is possible to repent of your sin and to trust Christ to save you without ever completely letting go of your self-will. Actually, it is not only possible for Christians to do this; it is the norm for Christians to do this. What is rare is for Christians to truly abandon their own desires in favor of the work of God. In other words, it is rare for Christians to truly die to self. Though finding such “abandoned” Christians is difficult, spotting such Christians is easy, for the telltale sign of an abandoned Christian is the rich harvest for Christ that such a Christian produces.

In John 12:24, Jesus reminds us that a grain of wheat must die before it can reproduce itself. If the grain of wheat clings to its own life, it never becomes more than just one grain of wheat. But after it lets go of its own life, the grain of wheat will germinate and multiply into an abundant harvest. Likewise, when we cling to our own way, we will be unable to produce any fruit for Christ. In keeping our own desires and our own plans alive, we will imprison the reproductive power of Christ within the hard, cold shell of self. The work of Christ cannot transfer from us to others so long as we fortify that shell of self, for the work of Christ will always be hidden behind and take a back seat to the work of “me.” When we die to self, however, Christ in us will break through the hard, cold shell of self and then make Himself real to those around us. When there is no longer any “me” to stand in the way, Christ will flow through us like rivers of living water.

The difference between being saved by God and being used of God is death to self. If you have produced no fruit for Him, it is because your will still lives within you. If you want to produce fruit for Him, then you will have to crush your will. Until you do, you will continue to bottle up the work of Christ and to prevent others from accessing His life through you.