Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit and empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than and superior to himself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves]. Philippians 2:3, Amplified Bible

In a recent interview for Dr. Del Tackett’s The Truth Project video series, English psychiatrist Dr. Theodore Dalrymple, author of the book, Life at the Bottom: The Worldview That Makes The Underclass, stated the following:

[Jean-Jacques] Rousseau’s idea was that all of the imperfections of man were attributable to social causes, and that man was naturally good, and if you got rid of all of the artificialities that there were in society, and man returned to a natural state, he would be very good. Of course, that is a very convenient idea because it means that all you have to do to be good is to be your true self. And since your true self is really doing exactly what you like, then doing what you like – exactly what you like – becomes virtue.

One patient said to me, ‘I had to kill her doctor, or I don’t know what I would have done.’ And what he actually means by that is that unless he expresses himself – unless he lets out his emotions, in this case by killing his wife, something really terrible would happen to him. So, the mere death of his wife was not very important by comparison with what might have happened to him had he not killed his wife.

I tell many of my patients that you don’t need to find yourself; you need to lose yourself. You need to have something which transcends yourself in order to make your life meaningful. And that’s impossible if you’re constantly referring to yourself as the be-all and end-all of your existence.

And I think actually Francis Bacon said it in an essay, ‘It is a poor center of a man’s life – himself.’

American culture teaches that the individual is the captain of his or her own ship and should strive for what he or she wants. Self-actualization is the end-goal, and self is the object of worship. Although the average American Christian would most likely not worship self to the extent of Dr. Dalrymple’s murderous patient, I think it safe to say that the average Christian buys into the American mantra of self-actualization moreso than the biblical admonition of esteeming others better than themselves. As proof of this assertion, one need only examine the divorce rate of Christian spouses.

For years now, the divorce rate among Christian spouses has kept pace with the divorce rate among non-Christian couples. In some years, the Christian divorce rate has even exceeded the non-Christian divorce rate. Why? Proverbs 13:10 teaches that only by pride (a desire to make self higher than others) cometh contention, and divorces occur when one or both spouses place more emphasis on self-satisfaction than on serving the other spouse. In households where both spouses have a habit of putting the other spouse’s needs above their own, divorces simply do not occur. The Christian divorce rate trends with the non-Christian divorce rate for the simple reason that Christians have by and large dropped the admonition of Philippians 2:3 and replaced it with the self-actualization that modern society teaches.

Selfishness is a disease that breaks up Christian homes, splits Christian churches, creates bitterness among once best friends – the list is endless. Selfishness is a disease that has many effects, and Dr. Dalrymple is correct: the cure for the disease is to lose oneself in service to others. Yet, we don’t need to pay a psychiatrist or a psychologist to tell us such. All we need do is read the Word of the God who created us and choose to live life the way He intended – by serving God first, others second, and self last.