But refuse (shut your mind against, have nothing to do with) trifling (ill-informed, unedifying, stupid) controversies over ignorant questionings, for you know that they foster strife and breed quarrels. – 2 Timothy 2:23, Amplified Bible

There is old proverb I’ve heard many, many times over the years, and the older I get, the more sense it makes to me. It goes like this:

Learn to pick your battles.

This proverb has a handful of ideas behind it, one of which is this: don’t waste time and energy on fighting fights that are worthless fights in the first place. Whenever we are faced with an argument, pride tells us to fight that argument to win. “Defend your position at all costs!”, pride shouts, and defend it we will. Unfortunately, we might prove to be the victor after the dust has settled, but in winning the argument we have alienated those around us.

There are many causes of strife in the church. Some issues are legitimate, such as those revolving around sin or heresy, and some issues are foolish, such as what shade of beige the walls of the sanctuary should be. In legitimate issues, we absolutely should fight to win, for the souls of men, women, boys, and girls are at stake. But with regard to the trifling, ill-informed, unedifying, and stupid arguments that plague us, God (through Paul) tells us to rise above such disputations by ignoring them altogether.

On those occasions when fighting is unavoidable, we should conduct our side of the argument in the manner that God (through Paul) outlined for Timothy in 2 Timothy 2: 24, 25 (AMP):

24 And the servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome (fighting and contending). Instead, he must be kindly to everyone and mild-tempered [preserving the bond of peace]; he must be a skilled and suitable teacher, patient and forbearing and willing to suffer wrong.

25 He must correct his opponents with courtesy and gentleness, in the hope that God may grant that they will repent and come to know the Truth [that they will perceive and recognize and become accurately acquainted with and acknowledge it].

If we take such an approach to quarreling, then we have a good chance of preserving our relationships with others even while we are in the midst of arguing against their point of view.

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