Now Esau was 40 years old when he took as wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite. And they made life bitter and a grief of mind and spirit for Isaac and Rebekah [their parents-in-law]. – Genesis 26:34-35, Amplified Bible (AMP)

In the race to please self, Christians often fail to look beyond their desires and passions in the selection of a spouse. When they fail to do so, they can end up inviting people into their lives that severely damage precious relationships that they already have. 

Take Esau, for example. At age 40, Esau took two Canaanite wives that made life miserable for Isaac and Rebekah. According to John Gill’s Exposition of the Bible:

The marriage of them itself was a trouble to them, it being contrary to their will that any of their children should marry with the Canaanites, and those the worst sort of them, the Hittites; it having been the care of Abraham, the father of Isaac, that his son should not marry with them, and laid a strict injunction on his servant not to take a wife for his son from among them; and which was an example to be followed in later times, and which Esau very likely was not ignorant of: and besides this, the women themselves he took for wives were very disagreeable on all accounts, partly because of their religion, being idolaters, and partly by reason of their temper and behaviour, being proud, haughty, and disobedient; as all the three Targums intimate.

As a result of his choices of wives, Esau’s relationship with his parents was strained. It is possible – maybe even likely – that one of Rebekah’s motivations for encouraging Jacob to steal Esau’s blessing lay in Esau’s poor spousal selections.* Regardless, one thing is certain: Esau’s parents didn’t care for their daughters-in-law, and life was stressful as a result.

Esau brought tension into the family by violating two key spouse-selecting guidelines outlined in the Bible:

By ignoring the former, Esau brought tension into the family by trying to force righteousness to have fellowship with unrighteousness, which never works. By ignoring the latter, Esau forsook the wisdom of his parents – wisdom that could have helped him spot character flaws and personality traits that led to much conflict later on. 

Of course, the final arbiter of who a person should marry is God. Nothing – neither passion nor parents nor peers – should outweigh God’s biblical guidelines for choosing a spouse. When people forsake those guidelines in order to satisfy their infatuation, bad choices usually result, and tension is sure to follow.

* The Bible does not specifically make this connection, but it is interesting that Genesis Chapter 27, which chronicles Jacob’s theft of Esau’s blessing, immediately follows the Bible’s declaration of the pain Isaac and Rebekah suffered because of their daughters-in-law.

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